Adjusting to "Real Life"

I've been back in the states for a week now... but it still feels like I left yesterday. When I first returned from Haiti, I was excited to share how much love and appreciation we received from the disciples and orphans during our stay. I was also eager to share how much I learned about God and was able to watch him move in my life.

My heart goes out to the children in Ganthiers and I had a harder time returning than I had predicted. I thought I might see things that would upset me and struggle with the images when I returned, but I think I am really just having a hard time returning to the classroom and not actively engaging with others to help brighten their day and/or ease their pain. Leaving with 'unfinished business' - per say, doesn't add to my helplessness of being so far away. I really wanted to collect rocks/rubble and paint them with the kids, teaching them that there is always a way to make something out of a hard or difficult situation. I didn't get to do that because I was really sick on the last day and slept on the roof all day trying to recover.

I miss 'K' and his sunny smile. I miss the simplicity of life where joys arise out of the smallest things. Being home, I've realized how disgusting greed and materialism is - and how I get angry when I hear people talking about wanting new things or better things that they don't necessarily need. I know it's a result of my own experience living off the bare necessities, but I don't know how to express that to my friends and family without being rude or emotionally driven (and then coming off self-righteous).

Recently I've decided to return to Haiti for the final trip in August and feel like I've weighed the pros and cons in making my decision, but I don't want Evan or Lorelei to feel like I'm abandoning them, or choosing Haiti over them, or that I love them any less. I'm going to take a few more days to think over my decision, but I can't seem to shake the feeling that this is how God wants me to use my gift for him... I just need to figure out how to continue my work including Evan and Lorelei and without having to fly 600 miles away. I know I have a lot to think about over the next month and I hope my friends and family understands my decision. I guess I jut have to pray that God lets me know if I made the right decision or not.